


You Can Hear It In The Silence

by alrightginger



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Deaf Character, F/M, Nonverbal Communication, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-14 11:14:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29045193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alrightginger/pseuds/alrightginger
Summary: “Because they were talking about you,” Petunia says, turning to switch out her record. Lily has to move to follow her sister’s lips to understand what she’s saying. “When your soulmate talks about you or to you, whatever they say appears on your skin. It’s how you know they’re out there.”Lily and Petunia seem to come to the same horrifying conclusion together.Lily cannot speak. She cannot even utter a simple sound resembling a squeak.How will they know I’m out here? Lily signs carefully. How will they know they have one?--Or:Lily is non-verbal and deaf in a world where the things your soulmate says about you end up written on your skin. She has known about her soulmate since she was seven, but knows they don't have a clue she exists and possibly never will.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter
Comments: 42
Kudos: 287





	You Can Hear It In The Silence

**Author's Note:**

> Note that this is written by a verbal, hearing person who saw the prompt and wanted to try to write it. Everything in this story may not be completely accurate, but I hope you enjoy it anyway!

The world around Lily is quiet.

Not that this is particularly concerning to her. It’s not. She’s lived in silence her whole life, for as far back as she can possibly remember. She wouldn’t know what to do in a world with so much noise anyway, she thinks, as she rides the train and watches as people talk to one another. 

She does wonder what that is like, however. Being able to talk to another person without the use of her hands. 

She knows other people like her — people that are deaf — can talk with their voices, but Lily’s has never worked. She has tried. She has gone to years of speech therapy to get her vocal cords working, but they just… don’t. 

She could tell by the way her speech therapist hadn’t been able to hide his disappointed look when she tried. 

Which is fine, honestly. 

It isn’t as if she can’t communicate at all. 

She has her hands, and the people closest to her know how to sign. She can read lips and write out on a notebook for personal requests or conversation. 

But there’s one person who she isn’t able to talk to because her voice doesn’t work. 

One person who she desperately, miserably has wanted to talk to since she was seven and had first noticed the scrawl of their words across her arm. 

She looks down, seeing them now, knowing that they’re still out there. Somewhere. 

Waiting for her.

_ I hope you’re out there,  _ the words on her forearm read.  _ I know by this point, it’s pretty unlikely, but I still hope you are.  _

—

Lily remembers the first time the words appeared on her skin. She closes her eyes, and it’s like she is there again.

She is seven, sitting on her bed with her legs swinging back and forth as she plays with her dolls. She makes them sign back and forth to each other, talking about things that a seven year old thinks are important. 

She pauses moving the hand of one of her plastic dolls with red hair like hers when she notices a black streak starting to make its way across the top of her hand. It curls and shapes into letters, and Lily watches with a mixture of wonder and nerves. 

_ I know I have a soulmate. I’m sure they’re out there somewhere.  _

She blinks at the words, shifting her hand in a few different angles to make sure she’s reading it right. 

She wonders what a soulmate is. 

After a few moments of not being able to determine the answer for herself, she hops off the bed to go find her sister, who knows most things. Or, at least, much more than Lily does at seven. 

She finds Petunia in her room, listening to music that Lily cannot hear. She touches her finger to the record, spine shivering from the motion of its spinning. 

Petunia slaps her hand away, and Lily reads the words  _ stop that  _ from her sister’s lips. 

Petunia says those words a lot to Lily. 

_ I have a question,  _ Lily signs and watches as Petunia rolls her eyes. 

_ You always have questions,  _ Petunia signs back, in a hurry like she always does. She is a skilled signer, though she doesn’t like for Lily to tell her this. She only picked it up  _ for  _ Lily, after all.  _ What is it this time? _

In response, Lily lifts her hand to Petunia, watching as her sister’s eyes dart across the words that are still there. 

“It’s your soulmate,” Petunia says aloud because she’s holding Lily’s hand and turning it to be sure. “They must have been speaking about you to someone.”

Lily takes her hand back to sign the question,  _ what is a soulmate? _

“Clearly Mum and Dad haven’t had the talk with you yet,” Petunia grumbles. “It’s up to me to do everything, apparently.”

Lily tilts her head as she watches her sister mull over how to explain what such a thing as what a soulmate is. In the end, Petunia decides that it’s better to explain it through sign, and her hands begin to move quickly. 

_ A soulmate is a person who is meant for you. Sometimes it’s a platonic soulmate, sometimes it’s romantic. I have one, though I haven’t met them yet. They’re your person.  _

Lily frowns, still not understanding entirely. People don’t belong to other people. She signs this to Petunia, who huffs. 

_ It’s not like that,  _ Petunia signs back.  _ It’s more of you belonging with each other than to each other.  _

Lily doesn’t understand this very much either, but she doesn’t like admitting to not understanding things, so she lets it slide. She figures she will understand it better in the future, when she’s older. 

_ Why did their words appear on my hand?  _ Lily asks. 

“Because they were talking about you,” Petunia says, turning to switch out her record. Lily has to move to follow her sister’s lips to understand what she’s saying. “When your soulmate talks about you or to you, whatever they say appears on your skin. It’s how you know they’re out there.”

Lily and Petunia seem to come to the same horrifying conclusion together. 

Lily cannot speak. She cannot even utter a simple sound resembling a squeak. 

_ How will they know I’m out here? _ Lily signs carefully.  _ How will they know they have one? _

To this, Petunia doesn’t have the answer. 

\--

Years go by, and Lily receives more messages from her soulmate. 

She checks every morning, carefully inspecting every inch of herself for the messages that are starting to appear all over now. 

Some of them are fairly simple. They tell Lily that they’re thinking of her. That they hope she’s out there, somewhere, reading their words. 

Some of the messages detail what they assume Lily is like. What they picture when they invision their soulmate. These are Lily’s favorite. She takes pictures of them with her phone to save.

_ I bet we have a similar sense of humor. I bet you’re the type of person who enjoys laughing as much as I do.  _

_ Mum says opposites attract, so I’m assuming you’re pretty introverted. Which is great.  _

_ But I bet you’re pretty hard headed too. You’d have to be to put up with me. Mum also said this.  _

She smiles at how much her soulmate gets right about her before it gives way to sadness. They’ll probably never know how right they truly are, because Lily has no way of getting in touch with them. She has no way of finding them. 

All she has are the words they leave across her skin and mark through her freckles like a pattern. 

Through all of this, Lily learns that her soulmate holds onto hope. 

They tell her so several times. 

She learns that they are kind through the words they speak to talk to her.

They are patient. 

Never pushing, never questioning why Lily isn’t responding past a general hopeful message that she is out there somewhere. 

She watches those messages until they fade, opening her mouth but knowing nothing will follow.

_ It’s okay if you aren’t ready to speak to me yet,  _ one particular message reads late one night. Lily is laying in bed and illuminates it with her phone light.  _ I have a friend who isn’t ready either, but he has a soulmate waiting for him. I’m sure you’re out there. Somewhere.  _

_ I want to speak to you,  _ Lily signs, knowing that the words won’t appear on her soulmate.  _ I just… can’t.  _

\--

Things grow even more silent for Lily after that. 

The world continues to make no noise for her, and the words from her soulmate start to become scarce. She wonders if her soulmate has given up. If they don’t want to speak into a void any longer. 

It’s what she’s starting to feel like. 

Empty. Completely bare. 

She has nothing to give her soulmate in return for all the kind things they display across her skin. Nothing that can make herself known to them. 

Lily is in the middle of despairing over it when she bumps into someone. 

It’s her own fault. She had her eyes downcast, lost in her own brooding thoughts, and with one of her senses already at a loss, she set herself at a disadvantage. 

She stumbles, nearly falling over, but the person grabs her hand at the last second to keep her upright. 

It takes a moment to tear her eyes away from the hazel eyes of the boy holding her hand and realize that his lips are moving. Her eyes drift downwards just in time to catch the end of an apology spilling from his lips. He talks quickly. 

Lily smiles, gesturing to her ears and signing that she can’t hear him. She doesn't know if the boy understands sign language, but he seems to get it. 

His face brightens. 

“You’re deaf!” he says, excitement evident everywhere on him. He talks with his whole body, not just his hands. “Oh, I mean… I didn’t mean that how it sounded. I’m sorry, I should ask. Can you read lips?”

Lily nods, smiling. 

“Oh, good.” He sighs in relief, hand clutching his heart. “I’m taking a class on sign language, actually. At the library. And one of the first things they talked about was not to expect someone who is deaf to be able to read lips. But you can and that’s great, because I don’t know many signs yet. I’m still learning.”

He talks quickly, but Lily is able to keep up. She holds up a finger, telling him to pause as she grabs her notebook out of her bag. 

Quickly, she writes out the words,  _ what do you know? _

She watches as he reads, leaning in slightly. He’s wearing glasses, and he adjusts them slightly. 

“Just a few things. I know some of the letters. Oh! I can do my name!”

He holds his hand up, pausing for a moment in thought, likely reminding himself how to start. Lily waits patiently as he signs through his name. It’s a bit clumsy, and his movements are not natural just yet, but she’s able to make it out clearly. 

James. 

She signs it back. 

“Yeah! James,” he says, proudly. “What’s your name?”

_ Lily,  _ she scribbles out on the notebook. She draws a little flower next to it. 

James grins. “That’s a pretty name. I love it.”

_ Thank you,  _ she signs without thinking, but he seems to know this one. 

“You’re welcome,” he responds easily.

They stand there, smiling at one another for a long moment, before he blinks several times. His features shift to alarm. “Oh —  _ oh shit,”  _ he curses, checking his phone. “I’m late for my sign class! I’m so sorry, but I have to go. It was nice bumping into you, Lily. Literally. Maybe I’ll see you around!”

He waves, leaving as quickly as he came, and Lily stands there, waving after him. She watches him go until he turns a corner, and that’s when she notices the words. 

The end of a sentence is popping out of her cardigan sleeve, and she pulls it up to her elbow to find her arm covered in words. 

_ You’re deaf! _

_ That’s a pretty name.  _

_ It was nice bumping into you.  _

Her eyes drift over the curves of the letters, but it takes her several times more before she can comprehend what they mean. 

They’re  _ soulmate  _ words. They’ve appeared on her skin because her soulmate was talking  _ about her. To her. _

_ That boy. _

_ James.  _

_ James is her soulmate.  _

—

A week goes by. 

Lily’s mind latches on to the things she knows about James from the chance meeting the two of them had, fixating on them as she lays in her full sized bed with her pink sheets pulled up to her chin.

  1. Her soulmate has messy raven hair and hazel eyes. 
  2. He wears square, black rimmed glasses. 
  3. He can hear, unlike her. He knows what noise is, where she has lived in silence her whole life.
  4. But he is taking sign language. 
  5. He talks quickly, but he signs slowly. 
  6. His name is James. 



Petunia shifts into view above Lily, features twisted into something just shy of concern. 

“Just go and talk to him,” Petunia says. “You know he takes that class at the library. Remus teaches it. I bet he’d let you sit in. I’m tired of seeing you mope around. It’s stressing me out, and you know I’m prone to breakouts.”

Lily blinks at Petunia instead of responding, her hands twisting underneath the sheets of her bed. This, she supposes, is the extent of Petunia’s sisterly affection. Showing concern, but masking it with an even greater concern for herself.

Strangely, this comforts Lily. 

Petunia rolls her eyes, huffing. She lets her hands speak the next words for her.

_ Just tell Remus the guy is your soulmate. He’ll be happy to let you sit there and pine.  _

—

Remus agrees to let Lily attend class, which isn’t all that surprising. 

Besides the fact that he enjoys having other deaf people attending the class for instructional support, he loves drama. 

Lily doesn’t classify finding her soulmate as drama, but Remus does. She skims back over the text exchange where he tells her so, insisting that she shows her arse to his class on Tuesday on her way to the library. 

She feels foolish, almost turning back around several times. Each time, she has to tell herself that she’s not a stalker. This is her soulmate. He wouldn’t view it as stalking. It’s simply finding him. 

Lily pockets her phone as she enters the library, waving at Mary, who sits behind the counter, before heading back to the conference room that’s reserved for the sign class. 

There’s already a good group of people there, but Lily finds James easily. He’s standing at the front with Remus, hands in his pockets as he talks. He’s turned, so Lily can’t see what he’s talking about, only how Remus responds. 

Remus sees her first, his eyes lighting up and his hand waving. 

“Lily!” he calls, signing her name at the same time and gesturing her over. Remus, unlike Lily herself, is able to speak, even though he’s deaf. She used to be jealous over it, back when she was younger and her soulmate messages kept coming in and she had no way of responding. 

That eventually faded away into a dull sting. It isn’t as if Remus could help that he has the ability to speak, and Lily does not. 

Remus has his own soulmate out there somewhere. Lily isn’t sure if they’ve met, but she’s seen the words that pop up on Remus’ skin from them. They’re partially derogatory, but in a complementary way. Which shouldn’t be possible, but is, apparently. 

Lily has told Remus that his soulmate has a gift. 

Remus blushes every time. 

“You made it,” Remus says, grinning like he knows a secret. Considering that he does, Lily narrows her eyes right before James turns. 

He lights up as soon as he sees her, and she can feel her face heat up. 

“Hey! It’s you again!” James greets. He moves to stand where both Remus and Lily can easily read his lips. “You know Remus?”

He’s slowed down his speech today. Lily wonders if it’s because Remus has had to tell him to do so already. 

Lily nods. 

“We go way back,” Remus tells James. “Lily’s mother was my piano teacher.”

James doesn’t question this the way others have in the past. The way Petunia did when Remus would come over for his lessons, and she would ask her mother what the point was of Remus learning to play music he cannot hear. 

Lily’s mother had told her music isn’t restricted to hearing. 

Lily agreed solely from the way Remus’ fingers moved skillfully over the keys. Remus had turned out to be a gifted student, leaning into the vibration of the keys and letting it lead him.

“That’s amazing!” James exclaims. Lily can tell by the way his whole body seems to lift with the words that he means it. “Remus and I went to school together. Still do, actually.”

Remus grins. “James got into a fight with another kid for bullying me. I didn’t know, obviously, because I couldn’t hear him. He did it behind my back.” 

“Because he was a coward,” James says.

Lily feels a different pang of jealousy now at how easily Remus can talk to her soulmate. She thinks of her notebook in her bag and shifts awkwardly. 

“Class is about to start,” Remus says, checking his watch. “Lily is sitting in for today. In case I need any help.”

James brightens at this. “Do you want to sit together?” 

Lily nods. That’s seemingly all she can do around him right now with the barrier of speech and nerves between them. But James smiles at her, and it doesn’t seem like there’s that much distance between her answering smile. 

\--

Remus’ class ends up being informative. By the end of it, Lily has helped James learn nearly all of the letters of the alphabet. 

It is surprisingly not all that hard to communicate with James. He doesn't talk to her like he’s talking to an inanimate object. He watches her expressions and is patient as she scribbles down her own words in her notebook. She wonders if he is practiced with this because of Remus.

He talks a lot, never running out of things to say. 

He’s still talking when they head out of the library that afternoon, and the sky is already dark. 

“Whoa,” he says, looking up. He looks at everything like a child. Like he sees it for the first time. He explains everything like a child too. The same amount of wonder lacing through his voice. “Sure is pretty tonight.” 

Lily nods, notebook tucked underneath her arm. 

“Would you...like to grab something to eat?” James asks. She can tell by the blush dusting his cheeks and the way he runs a hand through his hair that his tone is suddenly shy. “I mean, assuming you don’t have any plans, of course.”

Lily holds up a single finger, opening up her notebook and writing out the words,  _ I’d love to go to dinner! I’m starving!  _

When she shows it to him, he grins. 

“Great! We can talk more. Maybe you can show me a couple more signs. I want to impress Remus next class.”

They cross the street to a small cafe, James grabbing her hand and stopping traffic with his other as they sprint. He’s laughing. She gets the full blown force of it on display when he looks over at her, and she wishes so desperately that she could hear what it sounds like. 

“I hope this is okay,” James says, opening the door for her. It’s warmer inside than out, and she shivers from the contrast. 

Lily would tell him that it’s perfect. That she loves it here, and that one of her friends is a waitress. But it’s too much to write down in such a short amount of time, and the hostess is already seating them, so she squeezes his hand, hoping that transfers  _ something.  _

To her luck, Marlene is working her shift tonight and immediately claims Lily’s table as soon as she spots her. 

“Hey, Lily!” she greets, signing the words at the same time. “How are you?”

Lily signs back that she’s fine. Hungry, but fine. She introduces James through sign and watches as the boy’s face lights up when he catches his name through the movement of her hands.

“That’s me! I mean — hi, I’m James.”

“Marlene,” her friend answers back, amused. She smiles knowingly between the two of them. “And how do you know my Lily, James?”

“Oh, we sort of bumped into each other. Literally. And then she came to my sign class today. She helped me learn most of my letters.”

Marlene’s lips quirk. “That’s an important thing to know. I went to school with Lily. I took sign language myself so I could help her out with her classes.”

“Oh, that’s awesome.”

“Yeah, you’d never know it by looking at her, but Lily was quite the little prankster back then. One time—”

Her back straightens. Lily hastily kicks at Marlene, having no other way to stop her from speaking. 

She shakes her head before quickly placing her order, attempting to shoo Marlene away before she can tell James any embarrassing middle school Lily stories. Marlene winks at her before she walks away. Lily returns it with a glare, before looking at James who is smiling at her, chin propped up on his hand. 

Lily blinks, writing the word  _ what  _ out in her notebook. She shoves it towards him, raising her eyebrows, as if daring him to say something. 

“Nothing, it’s nothing. Just… I would have loved to hear more about  _ prankster Lily.” _

Lily scrunches her nose at this, expressing her disapproval of the topic. It isn’t as if she’s ashamed of causing a little trouble in school. She’s not. She’d just much rather talk about other things. Things that don’t concern Lily at age thirteen, when the world is awkward enough for a gangly teenager without adding not being able to hear or speak on top of that. 

“Okay, okay,” James says, holding his hands up in mock surrender. “We don’t have to talk about that just yet. Maybe later.”

_ Later.  _

Lily feels the pathetic swoon of her heart at the thought of James wanting to spend time with her later without even knowing that she’s his soulmate yet. She’s still trying to work up the courage to tell him, but she’s not there yet. The way she tugs on the sleeve of her cardigan to nearly cover her whole hand tells her so. 

She smiles at him gratefully. 

“We can talk about prankster James instead,” he says, smiling back. 

His whole body shifts into it. 

\--

They trade numbers after that. 

It’s an easier form of communication for Lily. Easier still to get across her sense of humor in a way that a pen and paper cannot. She’s snarky, James says, followed by a string of laugh-crying emojis. 

Lily smiles to her phone, cradling it like she’s clutching a secret to her chest. In a way, she supposes, she is. James still doesn't know that she’s his soulmate. She sometimes wonders if he suspects, with the way he looks at her. She hasn’t figured out a way to tell him yet, though, and she doesn’t want the words to be scrawled out onto paper. It doesn’t feel right that way, for some reason. 

If she could shout it, she would, but she clutches at her throat and the only thing that leaves her mouth is a sad puff of air. 

How depressing. 

She rolls over in her bed, forehead scrunched and pressed into the screen of her phone before she pulls it away, typing out a message that she’s been meaning to send for a while now. 

**_Lily: Have you met Remus’ soulmate?_ **

Lily isn’t sure if this is prying or gossiping. Remus is a mutual friend. Soulmates are a topic that she’s fairly certain are common ground. Everyone is fairly curious when it comes to who people are paired with. This is okay territory, right?

Her phone buzzes with a response before she can spiral too much over it. 

**_James: Not yet. I know that Remus has. He goes to our Uni, apparently. But I haven’t seen him._ **

**_Lily: I haven’t met him either. I know that he’s a character from what Remus has told me._ **

**_James: Oh yeah. Probably could have guessed that from the stuff that appeared on Remus’ skin. Has he shown you some of the things his soulmate says about him?_ **

**_Lily: Not without much coaxing. He used to come to my house for his piano lessons wearing long sleeves. IN THE SUMMER!_ **

**_James: LMAO yeah, sounds like him. Poor guy._ **

**_Lily: I don’t think he particularly minded, though. His soulmate’s crassness, that it._ **

**_James: Nah, I don’t think so either. At least, I don’t think his face was heating up because he wasn’t happy with what he was reading. If you know what I mean? ;)_ **

Lily pauses, her fingers hovering over the small letters of her keyboard. It would be so easy to tell James like this. So incredibly easy to type out that she’s his soulmate.

But it doesn’t feel right. 

Her phone chimes with another message before she can ponder over why that is. 

**_James: What are you doing tomorrow?_ **

She blinks. 

Her schedule is completely lacking in impressive things to do, but she doesn’t want to tell him that. 

**_Lily: Nothing atm. Why?_ **

She watches the chat bubble as he’s typing. Eternity seems to be etched inside that little notification. 

**_James: How do you feel about ice skating?_ **

—

Awful. 

Lily feels awful about ice skating. Her legs are a trembling mess, and she prays she’s gotten her skates laced up tight enough, the way that James showed her how. 

But it’s hard to tell James that she feels awful over something so silly. Especially with the communication barrier. 

He must see her apprehension in her face, however, — perhaps in the way she can’t seem to stop chewing on her bottom lip. He grabs her hands before she can protest, lifting her from her sitting position on the bench. 

“Don’t worry, Evans,” he says, still clutching her hands with a grin. She has to keep reminding herself to look at his lips and not down at her wobbly feet. “I’ll hold your hand the whole time. Skating is easy. You'll pick up on it in no time.”

Words, as always, fail her, so she simply snorts, scrunching her nose up at him. 

He gets the point. 

“Don’t give me that look,” he says, laughing and booping her crinkled nose. “It’ll be fine!”

Fine, she thinks, is between the pages of a good book. Not hobbling around on some knife shoes on a giant block of ice. 

She wishes she could telepathically get her sarcasm across. 

It’s her nerves, however, that become apparent when she steps out onto the ice with the legs of a newborn lamb. 

“Here,” James tells her, gliding to skate in front of her so he can hold both of her hands and allowing her to simultaneously be able to read his lips. He can skate backwards. Of course he can fucking skate backwards. Is there nothing he can’t do?

“Skating is easy,” James explains again, making sure to keep his face forward instead of down at their feet as he talks before showing her what to do. “All you have to do is move your feet like this…”

It takes a few repetitions of movements, and before long, Lily actually finds that she’s  _ enjoying  _ ice skating. Her legs feel less shaky now, and she turns to James, now beside her, to grin at him. 

_ Look,  _ her smile says,  _ I’m doing it! _

“You’re amazing,” James says, as if he knows what she means. He likely does. He’s incredibly good at picking up on her cues. “A real natural.”

They take a lap around the rink, hand in hand still, when a sudden thought hits Lily. One she chides herself over, because she hadn’t thought of it until just now. 

_ Is this a date? _

Did James invite her out to go ice skating as a date? 

It certainly isn’t that far fetched of an idea, as far as she’s concerned. Not that she’s had many experiences when it comes to dating, but Petunia has gone on loads of them before. Lily smiles at the thought of Vernon offering to take Petunia  _ ice skating  _ though.

This wouldn’t be their typical date. 

Lily glances at James. His eyes are forward, and he has a smile plastered in place. The lines at the edge of his mouth tell her that it’s probably always there. 

Maybe… this is a date? 

She blushes, the heat on her face contrasting with the chill of the rink. 

Date or not, Lily feels her heart swell at the thought of James inviting her to do something that any other person would likely view as a barrier. As something difficult for her. There isn’t a lot of room for communication here in the rink on Lily’s part. James still doesn't fully understand sign language, and Lily can’t stop to write down her thoughts every time one strikes her in her little notebook. 

But that doesn't seem to matter. 

There isn’t anything awkward in the silence between them. It’s as Lily has lived her whole life. Natural and normal. 

She squeezes James’ hand, relying on something as simple and universal as a common gesture. 

James squeezes back. 

\--

Petunia’s shadow covers the pages of Lily’s book in the middle of her turning a page. 

“You haven’t told him yet,” Petunia states when Lily looks up at her. It isn’t a question. Petunia isn’t one for questioning things. 

Lily shakes her head. 

“You’re ridiculous,” Petunia says, throwing her hands up. “Completely ridiculous. You’ve gone on like six dates with the guy, and he  _ still  _ doesn't know.”

_ Seven,  _ Lily corrects, moving her hands quickly.  _ And they’re not dates. At least, I don’t think that they are. _

Petunia gives Lily a look that suggests she may have grown another head. 

“He took you to the gardens. No one just  _ goes  _ to the gardens unless it’s for a date.”

_ Not true,  _ Lily signs.  _ There were lots of families there with their children. James gave them coins to feed the ducks.  _

“You want to know what I think?”

_ No.  _

“I think that you’re scared to tell him,” Petunia points out, ignoring Lily. “And not just because you don’t think that it’ll come across the right way. You guys have been spending enough time together that communication obviously isn’t the issue. You’re afraid to let him see that you’re his soulmate, because you have some sort of inferiority complex.”

Lily blinks. 

Then blinks again. 

_ Gee,  _ she tells Petunia.  _ I wonder where I got that from? _

“You need to tell him,” Petunia says. “Before he finds out some other way. He deserves to know.”

Lily wants to argue with Petunia, mostly because it’s in her nature, but she knows she can’t. Not when it comes to this particular point. 

She sighs. 

_ I’ll tell him soon,  _ she signs. 

—

James’ school is throwing a festival. 

He invites Lily to attend and sends her a picture of a flyer that he helped put together for the occasion. It’s a cultural festival, celebrating different foods and music from all over the world. Lily has never been to anything like it before and tugs on her wool hat in nervous excitement. 

She’s planning on telling James that she’s his soulmate today. That the reason he hasn’t gotten any soulmate messages back is because she doesn’t possess a spoken voice. She takes a breath to settle herself. He won’t be mad, she’s nearly certain of it. James isn’t the type to show much frustration — unless you’re the top of an impossible to open pickle jar, which she witnessed just a few days ago. 

She knows her nerves will settle once she sees him, but she’s beginning to wonder when that will be as she sees the crowd of people in front of her. 

James goes to a fairly large Uni not far from her house, the same one that Remus attends. They’re dormmates. It’s something Remus neglected to tell her, and something she continues to harp over in text messages to him. 

Remus is likely here too. 

There’s a tap on her shoulder before she can think too much about it, and she turns to find James grinning back at her. 

“Hey!” he greets. His cheeks are pink and she wonders if it’s from the cold. “Didn’t want to startle you.”

Lily hugs him since he doesn’t have the understanding for her to tell him how happy she is to see him again. But hugging is universal, like the squeezing of a hand, and James melts into it with all of him, like everything else he does. He’s warm against the chill of winter, and Lily sinks into him like butter. 

She pulls away before the hug can go on for what would be considered possibly awkward, pointing at the festival and mouthing the word  _ wow! _

“I know!” James says, taking her hand and leading her into the sea of people. He’s careful to keep his face turned towards her as he speaks. “It’s amazing, isn’t it? Remus didn’t think we’d be able to pull it off, but you know how he is.”

Lily pulls a face that she’s perfected over the years. One that expresses all her worry lines. She calls it her Remus face. Remus positively hates it. 

James laughs. “Exactly! He has to have at least ten panic attacks before he can bring anything into fruition.” 

Lily actually considers this relatable, shrugging with a single shoulder. 

They walk past booth after booth, James stopping to point out different foods as Lily sniffs the air. It’s a mixture of cinnamon and spice, and Lily is nearly vibrating with excitement. 

“Each class took a different country,” James explains, stopping by a booth and holding up two fingers. Lily smiles in delight when she’s given a pink cotton candy nearly as big as her head. “Remus is working over there, if you’d like to go see him.”

James has to peer around his own giant cotton candy so she can read his lips. She nods eagerly as she pinches some of the fluff off and stuffs it into her mouth. Petunia would keel over if she saw her manners right now. Lily can’t seem to find the strength to care.

James seems to find it endearing, his features softening as he takes her in before leading her further down the campus towards a makeshift cafe that appears to have dissolved into chaos. Judging by the way Remus is standing in the middle of it all, pinching the bridge of his nose, he appears to be in charge. 

James bops him on the top of his head with his cotton candy, causing Remus to look up at them, startled. Lily waves cheerfully. 

“What are you doing here?” Remus questions, panic clearly etched into his features like it belongs there. “James! I told you not to bring Lily here!” 

“When have I ever listened to you?” 

Remus sighs. “Never. You’ve never once listened to me.” 

_ What’s wrong with me being here?  _ Lily asks Remus. 

_ It’s embarrassing!  _ Remus signs back frantically.  _ Just look at it!  _

Lily does as she’s told. The cafe appears to be anime themed, students dressing the part of their favorite characters. There are several pairs of makeshift dog ears on the tops of heads and a few spare Pokémon running around, escaping from their trainers. Other than people seemingly too into their characters, nothing seems inherently wrong. 

_ It’s cute!  _ Lily tells him.  _ Chaotically so.  _

Remus’ hands fly up to sign a retort, but before he can start forming it, another pair of hands are gripping his own, lifting them up to a pair of lips. Lily blinks at the boy who has just appeared in front of them out of nowhere. He’s got a pair of dog ears on his head and is looking at Remus like he hung the moon. 

It couldn’t be…

“ _ Remus,”  _ the boy says, never letting go of his hands. “You disappeared on me!”

Remus rolls his eyes, though the gesture is significantly softer on this boy than Lily has seen it directed towards others. 

“I didn’t disappear. I’ve been out front this whole time, attempting to get everything in order. It’s hopeless. Everyone has gone feral.”

The boy looks like he possesses too much chaos in his own eyes to properly see what is so stressful about the cafe to Remus. He holds Remus in his gaze in the middle of it all. Lily and James share a look that Remus catches with a blush. 

“This is Sirius,” he tells them both, signing for Lily. He rubs the back of his neck, his nose flushed pink. “He’s my… person.”

James reacts first, collecting himself and grinning. “James Potter,” he says, extending his hand. 

“Sirius Black,” the boy returns, grinning back. “Remus has told me loads about you. He wouldn’t let us meet before because he said he wasn’t sure he could handle us together, but I’ve been dying to meet you.”

“Oh yeah?”

“And this is Lily,” Remus cuts in, his face flamed red. “She’s like me.”

Sirius’ face brightens considerably as he takes Lily in, gasping in excitement before his hands start to go to work. 

_ Nice to finally meet you, Lily,  _ he signs easily. 

Lily’s eyes widened.  _ You know sign language? _

_ Yes, I’ve been learning it for a few years now,  _ Sirius says back. He nods his head towards Remus.  _ For this one.  _

_ That’s amazing!  _

“I can’t believe you’ve been hiding him away from us, Remus,” James accuses with mirth. 

“I haven’t been hiding him, exactly. I just… I wanted to take our time.”

Lily understands that probably better than anyone, the hesitancy to move. To reach out and grasp something when you’re attempting to put a bubble around it first. James still doesn’t know that he has a soulmate because she is taking her own precious time. 

She reaches out to grasp Remus’ hand, offering him a small smile. 

“Thanks,” Remus says, smiling back. He shakes his head. “You don’t want to waste your time here. We aren’t even done setting up.”

“I don’t think we will ever be properly set up,” Sirius says, clearly amused. A couple of people have stopped to take selfies now, tables going unattended. Lily notices a few Sailor Scouts that are starting to draw a crowd. 

Remus sighs. “Why don’t you take Lily to do something fun, James? Something that doesn’t involve an anime cafe that I can’t seem to manage.”

“There’s a ferris wheel,” James offers as an alternative. “Wanna check it out?”

Lily beams. 

\--

The ferris wheel sits in the middle of campus. When James and Lily stop at the very top of the ride, Lily is able to get a full view of the university. 

It’s even more impressive from a bird’s eye view. 

James points at something father out, catching her attention before he starts to speak. 

“That’s my dorm way over there,” he says, her eyes flickering from his lips to where he gestures. “And way over in the corner… that’s the library. I’ve gotten lost in there a few times.” 

Lily smiles as the ride begins to shift, carting them in the familiar circular motion once all the seats have been filled. 

She pulls out her phone, sending him a quick text, since it’s the easiest way for them to communicate. 

_ Remus works there?  _

James looks down at his phone, still clutched in his left hand in far too casual of a grip. It leaves Lily worried that it will fall towards the ground. 

“Yeah, he does,” James confirms. “Just a couple hours a week, since he also teaches sign language. He keeps himself busy.” 

_ It’s all so amazing and full of life,  _ Lily types.  _ I’m almost jealous.  _

“Remus said you are taking a gap year?” 

Lily nods. 

_ I needed a break to figure things out. To figure out… what I think I can do.  _

She doesn’t completely voice her worries, because she’s ashamed of them. How she's afraid that her disability will hold her back from pursuing a career. From taking care of herself. James can read between the lines, she knows, as he frowns slightly at the words on his phone. 

“You can do anything,” he says, simply. Seriously. 

Lily gives him  _ the look.  _ The one she gives her mother when she says the same thing. 

“I mean it! You’re perfectly capable of doing what you want in life.”

_ That’s not exactly true. What if I wanted to be a teacher?  _

“Then you’d get a degree in education and become a teacher,” James says as if it’s as simple as that. As if a teacher doesn’t have to stand in front of a class and instruct. “Do you want to become a teacher?” 

_ No. It would be impossible.  _

James’ eyes widen between his phone and Lily’s face. “Nothing is impossible! Look, I have this really amazing history professor here. He lost his voice after a really bad cold, and do you know what he did?”

Lily shakes her head. 

“He stood in front of the class and wrote the  _ entire  _ lecture on the board. The entire class was taught in silence. I think I’ll remember it for the rest of my life.”

_ That is pretty amazing,  _ Lily coincides.  _ You’re making it awfully hard for me to be down on myself, you know.  _

James grins. “That’s my job. If you really don’t want to be a teacher, what  _ would  _ you like to be?” 

Lily drums her fingers across the metal bar latched in to keep them in place before typing out her response. It’s not something that she necessarily has to think over, but saying it — admitting to it — isn’t something that she’s done yet. 

_ A writer, probably. I like words. _

James beams as if the entire intensity of the sun resides in his smile.

“You’d be a wonderful writer!”

Lily is about to automatically deny, which is in her nature, when James’ smile begins to falter, his eyes flickering across her face. 

“What—”

Three things happen after that. 

  1. A realization hits her of what is happening across her right cheek bone when the familiar tingling sensation that she’s felt since she was a child begins to materialize. Lily realizes with slight horror that she knows James’ words to her just seconds ago are sprawled across her cheek for him to see. 
  2. The ride slows down to a complete stop, the attendant undoing their latch, and James _hasn't said anything._ He’s staring at her with wide blown eyes, and he’s not _saying anything._
  3. Lily realizes that he knows. There’s no way he hasn’t put the pieces together at this point, but that fact that he isn’t saying anything scares her. Frightens her. So she does the only thing she can think of. 



She runs. 

\--

Petunia doesn’t say anything when Lily gets home. Doesn’t even bother checking on her when she bounds up the stairs and slams the door with enough force to send several picture frames in Lily’s room to topple to the ground. Doesn’t manage to even peak in on her as she lays face down, sobbing into her pillow over what an idiot she is.

It’s not in Petunia’s nature to care about why Lily is upset until an appropriate amount of time later when Lily has settled and Petunia doesn’t have to deal with the water works. 

Which is why Lily berates herself when she feels a tapping on her socked foot. She immediately kicks out in response, expecting to come in contact with Petunia. 

She doesn’t. 

Her toes nearly bend against a firm chest, and Lily’s head shoots up, turning slowly to find James sitting at the foot of her bed. 

“Hi,” he greets with an unnecessary wave. He looks painfully awkward. As if he isn’t sure what to do. “Didn’t want to startle you. Hence… why I touched your foot like a weirdo.”

Lily sits up, leaning against the headboard of her bed and tucking her legs underneath her. Her hands start to move before she can fully realize that it’s useless. 

“I’m guessing you’re trying to ask what I’m doing here,” James says, offering her a small smile. It’s shyer than before. 

Lily shrugs, nodding. 

“I realized a moment too late that I had probably scared you by not saying anything, and then I felt like an idiot for not saying anything. I was just...shocked.”

Lily can’t honestly say she blames him for falling into silence when something of this magnitude took him by surprise. She hadn’t said anything for the entire time they’ve known each other. When the chance finally presented itself, she ran. Like a coward. 

“I looked around after you took off,” James continues, “but you had already left. Remus suggested coming here. He also suggested giving you this.”

James digs around in the pocket of his coat for a moment before pulling out a small box of chocolate covered strawberries. Lily takes them with a watery smile. 

“A booth was selling them. He said they were your favorite,” James admits, looking bashful. “And I felt like an arse.”

Lily shakes her head furiously. He isn’t an arse. He’s anything but, and Lily is the reason they’re in this mess. She hadn’t even been strong enough to tell him when she found out. 

“Remus kind of mentioned that he knew… about us being soulmates. Which made me realize that you also must have known.”

Lily nods her head, feeling like she very much wants to shrink in on herself. 

“I guess I just want to know why. Why didn’t you tell me? Did you not want it to be me?”

Lily’s eyes widen, and she’s so very  _ tired  _ of only being able to shake her head. Of not being able to get her thoughts and words properly across. How could James even think that? How could he not think that he is everything to her? 

She grabs a pen, spotting it on her nightstand. Without really thinking, she uncaps it, grabbing James’ hand and writing on the palm of it. 

_ Of course I wanted it to be you. I was so very happy to find out it was you.  _

James holds up his hand, looking at the words for a long moment. 

“Soulmate words…” He swallows, his hand closing around them and clutching it to his chest. “I’ve always… I’ve always wanted some. I used to think that there was no one out there for me.”

A stray tear tracks its way down Lily’s cheek. She wipes it away hastily before scooting closer to James on the bed and holding her hand out for his arm again. He gives it willingly. 

_ I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you before,  _ she writes, James shivering at her touch.  _ I didn’t know how to tell you, honestly. I’m sorry you’ve spent years in the dark when I’ve been right here. I’m sorry I didn’t have a voice to let you know.  _

There’s so much to apologize for, it seems.

James shakes his head. “You have a voice. It doesn’t matter that I can’t hear it. I can see it. I know that it’s there.”

Lily can’t tell him how much this means to her with her hands, words, or a pen, so she simply draws the outline of a heart on the pad of his thumb. James smiles down at it. 

She draws a chain of them, stretching from his thumb to his wrist. 

“I always thought that it was you,” James says, stretching out his hand as Lily covers it in other scribbles. Hearts turn into flowers. Flowers into the sun. “Or hoped. Maybe that’s more of the right word. I really wanted you to be my soulmate.”

_ Me?  _ Lily writes out on the top of James’ pointer finger. 

James laughs. “Yes, you. I can’t even begin to explain what it was like when I first met you. Like an electric shock. Though you probably know what I’m talking about.”

Lily draws a lighting bolt between some scattered freckles that dust the top of James’ hand, connecting the dots between them. 

“Exactly,” James says, lips twitching. “Just like that.”

James intertwines their fingers, bringing Lily’s scribbling to a halt, the pen trapped between their clasped hands. 

“I’m so glad you were on the other side. I’m so glad it was you.”

Lily’s cheek begins to tingle, and James’ thumb moves to brush across her cheekbone as the words appear. He smiles, lopsided and boyish. 

_ I’m glad it was you too,  _ she thinks to herself as her eyes flutter shut at his touch.  _ So, so glad.  _

She’ll tell him later, when her eyes are dried from grateful tears and they’re laying face to face on her bed. She’ll write the words across his own cheek, making up for years of silence. 

For now she leans in, closing that last bit of distance between them and letting James find her voice through parted lips and shared breathes between them. 

**Author's Note:**

> Don't forget to comment!


End file.
